Being in a state of constant wonder has its perks and not so perks. I always have new ideas and plans that open my mind to all the possibilities but being a mortal human being with finite resources makes it quite difficult to achieve those all at once.
With the next phase of my creative journey fast approaching it’s natural for me (me being neurodivergent) to be thinking of a hundred thousand different scenarios of how things may pan out. Most of those scenarios are positive. Some are realistic. I guess it represents that I’m an incurable romantic that will always think of the most hopeful future. Which isn’t bad but isn’t necessarily good either because life isn’t a bed of roses. But I suppose there’s no use crying when you have to pass through the roses thorns. But there’s not need to pass through the thorns if one properly plans and brings a few gardening tools to snipe the thorns off so that they don’t hurt them.
What I’m trying to say is that I’m the type of person that like to read the end of the book and enjoys spoilers. I love the journey as long as I know the destination. Perhaps that the part of me that’s pragmatic and self-conserving. I can withstand a lot of hardships as long as I know it’ll be worthwhile at the end of the day. And when I would read the end of the novel after reading the first chapter, I would come up with a thousand different stories on how things progressed from the first chapter to the last. Often times I would be disappointed with the sequence of events because the story I had conjured in my mind was far more interesting than what I would be seeing in the novel.
Some say that stops you from living in the moment. But realistically it’s a bit reckless to always do things without seeing where it will lead us in the future. And the nature of things on Earth is that there’s nothing new under the sun. So technically all things being equal, we can plan things to a certain point and expect a certain outcome. If we study well we can expect to pass a test. If we train we can expect to perform well in sports. We technically do things expecting a desired outcome all the time.
And within those desired outcomes there’s the element of fate and unpredictability. We could study but don’t know that we dyslexic so it’s all looks like jumbled words and we still fail. We could train but have a condition that keeps us from burning fat so that we are always chubby.
That’s one of the beauties of life. It provides us with unpredictable predicticality. A juxtaposition of opposing and opposite ideas that live in perfect harmony. A harmony that I hope to experience as the plans I write down start manifesting in real life and I don’t end up having panic attacks wondering how things will go.