life as a creative

Letting Go

You can’t build a relationship from an open wound, you need to let a scab form

-Feel Good

Why do some people need so much help just to exist while other people don’t need any help at all?

-Mae Martins, Feel Good

Being a creative can be a rollercoaster where some people seem to be on a ride that goes up for an infinite amount of time while for others all it seems to do is cascade deep into hell. One of my favorite words is “quintessence”, the essence of something that you just can’t place your finger on but is magical. And that feeling I’ve been having that I can’t really describe lately is letting go and letting myself be who I am regardless of backlash.

Letting go of other people’s expectations and opinions of me. I’m pretty good at masking and pretending to be okay when everything is falling a part around me and that’s something that is particularly characteristic of ADHD. But eventually the mask becomes too heavy to carry and the reason that I felt the need to wear the mask was to abide by societal norms. I’ve been carrying the weight of trying to be socially acceptable for years without even knowing it.

It’s like burning a bunch of pictures of your ex. The ex that made you feel insecure and like you needed to change yourself to be an acceptable partner to them. There’s a sense of loss but also a sense of relief. You can now move on from the trauma and start afresh. You don’t need to continue wasting more of your life and time on something that wasn’t worth that much to begin with.

And so I move, which is particularly scary when you live in a climate where everyone gets cancelled and judged for everything. But there’s a freedom that comes from being truly yourself.

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