Afro ADHD, Failing to Adult, life as a creative

I have no purpose…

My Myer-Briggs Personality type with the selfie position I always take up

If you’ve ever grown up in a black religious household or any household for that matter then you probably are aware of the pressure to achieve and fulfill your purpose.

From a young age, I was inundated with euphemisms of unique I was and talented and destined for greatness. Everything that I did had to be top tier and one of the best performing. Being someone with ADHD it’s easy to see that I was masking and hyper-focusing on tasks to keep up the image of perfection. But when the mask broke and I could no longer maintain the image of perfection the compliments quickly turned to abuse from being called “useless”, a “disappointment” and other pretty words (thank you mother ) I felt like I was failing when in reality I was just living. I had some high highs and low lows just like every other human being and didn’t need the pressure to look for some specialness in me to have a respectable place in this world. If I live, breathe, and die then I have achieved greatness in my way.

I have no purpose, am not very talented and probably (definitely ) eat a little too much. I take everyday as is and sometimes I achieve something and most days I don’t. In fact many days I’m uninspired to leave my bed and get some work done. And in all this normalcy I’ve achieved extraordinary greatness by just living and existing. My place in this world isn’t determined by my productivity and achievements, it’s determined by my humanity. And honestly I enjoy this lack of purpose that I have in my life and the peace of mind that comes with it.

3 thoughts on “I have no purpose…”

  1. That’s not true. How can anyone call you useless or a disappointment when you’re trying to do so many things in a country with limited resources? It is their fault for not realising all your talents and gifts because they probably have low self-esteem themselves.

    You are a wonderful writer, and your words are unpretentious yet your pieces make sense. You are trying to do so many things like modeling and pageantry and learning about the world. You don’t need to be “great” to exist.

    Purpose is something that we create and choose for ourselves, like a goal. I’m not sure what purpose is but I feel it’s a sense of structure and knowing we have long-term plans for our lives and that we’re trying to move our lives accordingly.

    Purpose comes with just experiencing a lot of different things so you know what works!
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess it’s an African parent thing because my friends have told me some things their parents have called them and they think it’s normal to say disparaging things to their kids.

      Like

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