“Can I call you Monalisa?” Tapiwa asked me. She said it’s because I smile all the time and I suppose at this point of my life it’s pretty much my trademark. It’s the one thing that people always mention about me is that I’m always smiling. Even though my writings have a tendency to be dark and morose when they’re not bubbly especially my last few blog posts, I have a general positive outlook on life.
Because what makes life miserable is often other people but we can’t control other people’s actions and the way they behave but we can control ourselves. Like Viktor Frankl said “When we can no longer change the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves,” So even when I’m in the mire I’m smiling.
This isn’t some motivational bullshit ( I could write an entire book on motivation and how it’s all bullshit and often counterproductive…you know what? Maybe one day I will) but the unraveling of my reality. I love to be happy. Life itself makes me happy and that doesn’t make sense to a lot of people since I get panic attacks and occasionally have bouts of depression. But that made me realize that it’s perfectly possible for a person to be happy, in love, passionate but still be depressed as hell because that’s the mystery of life. That I am not a one-dimensional creature and these different dimensions no matter how oppositional can exist at the same time.
The reality that you can love someone absolutely toxic and hateful and hate them because there are moments of lucidity where they can be absolutely angelic. The reality that someone can tick off all the things that we want in a partner and we still fail to be attracted to them.
I suppose my quintessential perspectives can be deemed much too romantic for reality. But the reality of being a creative is that we often see the world and relate to it in a way that ventures through the currently comprehensible world into a world that is yet to come. We fight for the rights of people with HIV before it’s cool (Susan Sarandon) and imagine planes in a time of boats (Leonardo da Vinci). We bear the burden of being called crazy when we are perfectly sane in a way that people just aren’t used to. That’s a little crazy in a way, but then again “there’s pleasure sure in being mad that none but madmen know” -John Dryden.