Realizing my mom has undiagnosed ADHD

The author of “The Kiss Quotient” is actually neurodivergent herself and found out her diagnosis when her child’s teacher noticed the signs of autism/Asperger’s in her child at school. When they took her to the psychologist the psychologist being a professional recognized that neurodivergence is hereditary and diagnosed her as well.

That’s the thing, her child had a parent who was open enough to also accept her own diagnosis and that’s going to help her in the future. It struck me one day while I was cooking that all the dysfunctional traits my mom has anger issues, forgetfulness, inability to manage finances, inconsistency, inability to maintain relationships, unpredictable moods, feeling overwhelmed by basic adult responsibilities were all very strong signs of adult ADHD.

So I did what I did what someone did for me when they suspected me having ADHD and took numerous online tests and all of them said that you show strong signs of ADHD and see a psychologist…

Not surprising considering that ADHD is genetic but whatever. Not that it changes anything either. Because she doesn’t believe that ADHD exists that and that traits and struggles associated with ADHD can be prayed away. It explains a lot of her toxic behaviour traits and rollercoaster emotional cycle that I’ve had to live through and has affected my own mental health. But even neuro divergence dosn’t excuse psychologically abusive behaviors.

Everyone inevitably has to learn to do better especially if what they do affects other people in the process. No matter how forgiving people can be everyone has a breaking point.

I meet women on Facebook who are trying to find solutions so that toxic traits that come with neurodivergence don’t affect their children. They’re trying to find ways to deal with easy irritability and anger so they don’t lash out at their kids, fix their finances so that their kids don’t live in a financial rollercoaster and other things. While my mom has an excuse for her every failing in life from not finishing uni (my dad), not working on her career for a long time (my dad), not collecting her course certificate (me), not having money (me) and everything else (me). Pretty much never taking accountability for her own life it’s always someone else’s fault. Couple that up with coming from a culture where kids aren’t supposed to questions anything elders do or say and child abuse is considered good parenting and kids complaining about their parents is considered taboo and you have a recipe for just one of many African mothers full of shit.

And even with her neurodivergence sometimes I feel like I have nothing to complain about because the majority of my African friends are going through the same or worse with their own parents because African parents in general think abuse is culture and don’t want to do better🤷🏾‍♀️. So even though she needs to see a psychologist, she’ll have to figure that out for herself because I don’t want to get yelled at for no good reason by breaching the topic.

What we African kids do everyday and still take care of them when they’re old.

Note: I forgot to mention that my mother has been diagnosed bipolar which is a common misdiagnosis for women with ADHD. And the bipolar medication when she took it didn’t help her as often is the case with women with ADHD.

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