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The Truth About African Parents (Or POC Parents in General)

For those of us who come from African parents, Caribbean parents, Black parents, Asian parents, Indian parents and other strict parents you could probably relate to having difficult parents, but still feeling a conflicted sense of loyalty to them. The thing is often cultures and societies they come from encouraged abusive parenting as something good and made children stronger. For example in their day they would be beaten with anything within reach, they would be sworn at and treated in other obnoxious manners. And now they’re traumatized and don’t realize it and take it out on us.

We can easily see them show signs of PTSD in their behaviour but they think that they’re anger issues, sharp tongues, general roughness (not toughness) is a sign of strength and not needing a serious therapist. And this generation of children bear the brunt of that in this modern world.

Recently I was on the phone with a friend and had to rush to the quietest part of the house at night to talk to them. I had to cut the conversation short because my mom started banging all the doors and interrupting my call by ringing me. My friend could literally relate to that and told me her mom was similar in toxic behaviour. And as I’ve mentioned before that most African kids can relate. But a lot of my Asian friends, Indian friends and even some white friends can relate. And by the way I’m twenty-six and my friend is in her thirties. Parents keep trying to control us all our adult lives and interfere in whichever way is possible for them. Which answers the question “how can you be an adult and still be controlled by our parents”.

I could write an entire book about this but I don’t want to depress myself. But I think this gives people an idea of what goes on behind the scenes without having to resort to making tiktoks.

Me and my friends crying about our mothers. I can’t decide if I’m Ayaka or Kokomi. Am I the star child of a family dynasty or the cute leader of a rebellion fighting for their rights? Okay, I think I answered my own question. I’m definitely Kokomi, I hate following rules🤣

7 thoughts on “The Truth About African Parents (Or POC Parents in General)”

  1. “For example in their day they would be beaten with anything within reach, they would be sworn at and treated in other obnoxious manners. And now they’re traumatized and don’t realize it and take it out on us.”

    Oh yes, I didn’t even think about it but back in the day, that was normal.

    I don’t know if it’s the lack of foresight, but if you bring the child in this world, it’s just easier for that child to be better able to help a parent from a place of independence.

    I love my mom a lot. At the same time, I don’t even think she realizes how sometimes her harsh actions and moments of fury and anger cause my mental health to spiral down.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi,
        How have you been doing? I haven’t seen you writing for a while now.
        I hope you are okay.
        These holidays have been extremely hard for me. Some days I wasn’t sure I would go on.
        I miss your writing and your presence. It was so hard to keep going and feeling that it was okay to suffer amidst of holidays where everyone was just so high on happiness. It made me spiral down, but at least now there’s no pressure to be up when all one can do is survive.
        Sending you my love and care

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      2. Heya, I’m doing okay. I’ve just had a lot on my plate lately and many unpublished drafts😅. I guess I was going through a blogging slump but there’s going to be a new blog post soon I promise💗. The holidays were a rollercoaster for me. It can be such a high stress time. Sometimes all we can do is keep on keeping on.
        I hope you’re doing well, it’s okay to completely spiral down and disappear into the abyss when you need to reset…coming from someone that is always resetting lol.
        See you in a blog soon.
        Sending lots of love and light your way💝💝

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  2. Hey, thank you so much! I’m glad to hear you’re okay, and that you haven’t given up on your writing.

    Yes totally, holidays were a stressful time.

    Every time I feel love, I wish it would last forever but it never does. Loving someone who’s constantly making you feel unsafe is so…sad, and unfair, and while I know it’s human to feel hurt by that, I just wish…I’d never have to feel like that again or see them again.

    It’s one thing to be legitimately upset and another to act like a sadist when someone trusts you (I know, why would I get used to love and stability when I’m sick? EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS MY FAULT. FOREVER. BLAME THE POWERLESS PERSON WHO LOOKS UP TO YOU. BE PROUD OF BEING KNOWN FOR YOUR ANGER). That’s Asian parents for you.

    Nothing nice, just anger, criticism and using you even though you could assist them better by being a functional adult. But no, let’s compete with people who are our family.

    Thank you for lights and love (I need it!) and I do hope you keep on keeping on and continue with writing and being creative 💗

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  3. I’m sorry about that. I was sick too during the holidays and didn’t receive love and care either😐. With Covid too. I can relate with the not wanting to feel like that or see them again. I always fluctuate between feeling like going no contact or and trying to love them still.

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    1. Me too. I know exactly what you’ve went through, and I have nothing but empathy for you. I hope you’re happy or get to be happy, though. You writing is so easy to read yet beautiful. I loved your post named “Statue”. Thank you for creating despite hardships. I hope that, someday, we both get to be free.

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